Depression is a total breakdown of the mind. When the person falls below the mind, his mind is divided, fragmented. He is continuously against who he was originally and existentially. Depression means ‘I am totally alone here. I am doing this all by myself. Everybody is against me. I have to carry everything on my own shoulders, and there is nobody to look after me. The whole existence is hostile and unfriendly towards me.’ Actually, the existence is not against you—you are against your own consciousness. When you are against yourself, when you are fighting with who you are, you are in anxiety, and then depression follows. You are stuck with your past and afraid about the future.
Anxiety enters either with the past or with the future. To live in the past and to be afraid of the future is a lower state of mind. You are trembling. What if something goes wrong? What if I do something wrong? What if the future is a continuation of my unfortunate past? What if I missed the whole point? ‘What if’ is the whole point of anxiety.
Whenever sadness, anxiety, or depression comes in, see it as indications in your being. Anxiety is an indicator—an indication of where to go, how to go, what will happen if you don’t go, what kind of experiences will happen if you go, or if you don’t go, and if you go, whether you will reach your destination or not; whether you will have what you need or want, how much energy is needed for the whole travel—the whole kind of indicative, intuitive understanding. Anxiety is good if you are conscious about it, but if you are not, it can sabotage you, creating misery. Anxiety can help you tremendously, but it can sabotage you if you submit your consciousness to your wounded ego-mind.
You cannot choose consciousness, but you can choose not to be unconscious. Look at your unconsciousness. Who is looking at unconsciousness? Consciousness is looking. Unconsciousness cannot look at itself, it can only look at unconsciousness of others.
Look and do nothing. Consciousness is doing nothing to your unconsciousness; so just watch it, as if it is not happening to you, but happening to somebody else. Remember, unconsciousness is not who you are. You are the light. Darkness is only absence of light.
You are just witnessing the anxiety that is indicating the whole journey for you without you being attached to it.
You will have to make a choice. Now, what kind of choice? It is not about the left choice or the right choice; it is all about an intuitive choice, not the mind’s thinking choice. Intuition is the only choice you can make, but it is not a choice in the ordinary sense. It is more like seeing it consciously, it is like knowing it, being conscious of it and saying ‘Yes’ to it. When you see it, when you know it, you act, you intuitively act before any thought comes and supressing the knowing. The thinking choice is not your choice at all. It is the mind choosing for you because you did not act from your intuition. You decided to ignore the intuition. You were not conscious of it. You see, the intuition always comes before your thinking. Intuition is like a flash of light; it is like a flicker. Ignited and infused by the consciousness, intuition becomes a tremendous divine force of change. The mind is anxiety, so the intuition will come through the mind. It has to come through the mind, the empty mind, because the mind is a bridge between the known and unknown. You will have to be receptive and open. Intuition indicates the whole truth for you. It gives you understanding on how to heal yourself and your karma. The intuitive flicker is where you know everything—the past, the future, the present moment, the beginning and the end, and beyond. Intuition is beyond the law of causes and consequences. In that fragment of a moment, when the intuition comes, linked with your feeling, and the conscious knowing of who you are; in that moment, the mind is in a kind of shock. The mind stops functioning. You stop breathing, the heart stops beating, everything is empty and receptive. Now, and consciousness, become one, and you immediately know what to do and how to do it. No thoughts are running through your mind and fogging your consciousness. Everything is empty and receptive. Only now, nothingness and consciousness exist. That whole trinity becomes one in you, as you. You know now. You know what to do and how to do it. You know the outcome of your doing it or the outcome of you not doing it. You know everything; you know nothing. You have a deep intuitive feeling about the whole, the truth, and the lie.
That tiny moment is very fragile but full of potential, full of your awareness. Your whole life can change by accepting or rejecting that flickering, intuitive moment. The whole universe will have to change if you consciously act from that moment. You have to consciously act. The conscious act is the acknowledgement of the intuitive message. It all depends on your conscious act. You have to bring consciousness forward and say ‘Yes’, or you have to say ‘No’. And if you don’t act, if you ignore your intuition, the mind activates itself with a rush of thoughts—all kinds of thoughts, positive, negative, for or against—and the thinking overshadows the consciousness, making you trapped in your ego-mind.
Just try this device. Being an onlooker can save you. Anxiety is there, depression is there, sadness is there, unhappiness is there, happiness is there—whatever the feeling, it is over there. Whatever the thought, it is over there, and you are not over there; you are here and now. You are not ever there; you are being conscious that you are now-here. That is all. You know that you are. You are the proof that you are. Your consciousness is the proof. Do you understand? Don’t become identified with ‘I am’. Don’t say ‘I am anxious.’ Don’t say ‘I am depressed.’ Don’t say anything. Don’t even say ‘I am conscious’ or ‘I am the witness.’ Delete totally ‘I am’ from your language. Change the whole pattern of your language.
Ivan Rados – Non Duality